Dark Memes VIII: Golem Cass

[miguelosz]

ALL HAIL THE NEW META!!

Ok… like two years from now on. Or more like five. Oh right, the rotations. Never mind.

Dark Memes returns with some fresh new shenanigans and memes! I’m really excited with the latest expansion and how the game feels right now (we even got a Saurian Nerf-ality as a holiday gift, yay), and will be making some dope stuff to my best effort, both from new and old/unused cards.

The Christmas season is about love, peace and kindness. Right? But who are we kidding here. The Christmas season is really all about presents. BIG presents. HUGE presents. And what’s a bigger present for you opponent than a gigantic body, that you can choose to bounce your enemies’ face with, turn into an all-reaching bomb or forge into a gigantic weapon? (lump of coal maybe tho?)

That’s right, we’re talking about Golems. Big, beefy Golems. And well, Abyss might not easily seem to be the go-to-faction for these guys. But ok, just check out this beauty:

This, dear sirs and sirrettes, is perfection. Let’s see some example early plays:

p1t1&t2: Golem Metallurgist into turn 2 Hailstone Golem (without needing to grab a mana spring), or into turn 2 Ghoulie+Rescue-RX (with grabbing the spring). Just some goody stuffsies ok nothin’ special yet.

p2t1&t2: Metallurgist+Ghoulie, or Metallurgist+anything into a turn 2 Boulder Breacher.
Yepp, big pile of stats. That’s what I’m talking about. Punch their pathetic minions in the face while still retaining all those sweet stats.

Ok, so while we get our early game going with all the Ghoulie/Hailstone spam, Metallurgist ramps, Rescue-RX heals and Desolator we’re looking all good an’ healthy (100% proven and infallibly tested). So, what about the late game?

That’s where it really starts, let me tell you. Just take a look at these combos:

Cadence + EMP/Devourer/Razorcrag
8-10 damage right. in. the. face. From anywhere. Dang.

Devourer + Reliquarian
Ok I don’t even need to explain what this does. Just try it out already!

Reliquarian + EMP/Razorcrag
“We heard you kinda maybe liked golems a little, so we covered your kitchen with golem posters, made you a new bed from five Metallurgists, gave you a new Golem car and transformed you yourself into a Drybone Golem!”

The final iteration of the deck went 8 out of 10 in ranks 11-12

Dark Memes (registered mememark) does not take any account of the possible side effects of bad humor.

[epicflygon]

Oh noes

Did you just summon Morigan @isgopet?

[whyb0t]

p1t1: Golem Metallurgist into Hailstone Golem (without needing to grab a mana spring), or Ghoulie+Rescue-RX (with grabbing the spring). Just some goody stuffsies ok nothin’ special yet.

What?? A 5 mana play at 2 mana to start off the game? Please explain. Ghoulie Rescue doesn’t make sense either, how do you grab the spring T1 AND play 5 mana of minions with only 2 mana?

Oh, you meant P1T2, didn’t you?

[miguelosz]

That’s for the first two turns, right I only had t1 there I’ll fix it.

[thefirstgokun]

You forgot about taking the top AND bottom mana springs with the metallurgist AND Ghoulie. Then you play Rescue to block for Metallurgist with the Building.

[whyb0t]

Stop and think for a moment. On turn one?

@miguelosz you fixed the wrong one btw

[mmf]

Not memes until you go 1-0 across one game. Nope, fake memes.

[miguelosz]

I’m no native speaker OK I thought it was understandable even the first way (into meaning on the next turn) but I get how it might be confusing.

[miguelosz]

Yep, this is way too meta-defining Sorry about that

[thefirstgokun]

Looks like I am ALL stupid on this blessed day.